my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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