3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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