Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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