Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
