After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I supernannyed him into submission
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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