Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
