are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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