"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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