so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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