I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
