Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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