I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
