His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
