I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
