Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
do herpes really smell.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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