whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
