The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
