And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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