i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
