atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
