So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
