If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
