Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
