he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
