'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
