So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
