So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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