Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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