I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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