she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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