i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
