So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
this hospital has no fireball
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
