i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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