conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
