Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
