Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
