haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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