I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
