White coat. Heels.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
