apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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