She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
