Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
