they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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