He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
