She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This house was built for laser tag.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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