At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
