I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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