Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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