tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
