you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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