my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
